One of the many gruesome tasks included in the daily grind of a Family Court paralegal is checking the dag-nab voice mail. I know people hate talking to voice mail; I hate it, too. So why, why, WHY does everyone insist on leaving a ten-minute message that rambles endlessly around whatever problem they need to address and ends with a garbled, speed-talking-through-a-wad-of-taffy recitation of the one piece of information actually required, their phone number? I feel your pain, I swear to heaven! I want, nay, I NEED to call you back. But if I can't understand your number, I can't. And I won't worry about it. If you think you're testing me or making me work for it, you're crazy, kid - I can delete you with one touch of a button and never look back.
Don't let this happen to you. The next time you call and our receptionist punches you through to voice mail before the final syllable of my boss' name escapes your lips, use this handy script:
"Hi, this is Mary Geneva Muckenfuss. My phone number is 555-1234. Sources tell me my soon-to-be-ex-husband is murdering small children and pets at the apartment complex where he currently lives with the sorry piece of tattooed tail he left me for and wearing their bodies as hats. I believe this entitles me to a greater percentage of his 401K. Please call me at 555-12345."
I promise, we will call you back.
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